If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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