HIV tests are more positive than that guy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
