At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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