Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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