Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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