I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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