My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
