I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
