You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
