I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
