remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
