i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
