me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
