I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
