did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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