I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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