I wanna bring you to show and tell
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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