oh god the rape fog is back!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
