At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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