So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
