M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize