I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
