My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
