The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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