Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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