Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
