Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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