it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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