I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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