Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i think my cat just said my name.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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