He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
