Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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