Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and she was petting her beer can
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
