Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Holy sore nipples Batman
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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