This girl is more easily done than said...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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