my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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