i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
