New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize