the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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