You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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