So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
