Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
