i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Everything about him screamed your future.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
