i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
