So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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