No stitches, just platelets and will power
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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