I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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