she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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