:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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