I am full of burrito and curiosity
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
