I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
