dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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