rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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