so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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