If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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