Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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