my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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