i think my mom watched the whole time
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
