umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
