is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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