We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
