that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
