Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
