went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
