Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
