I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we're making bets on your personal life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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