he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
