it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
