Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
